GR Publishing - Karen Gedig Burnett

No! Stop! Don’t! Get out! Grow up!

Let’s face it; children make lots of mistakes. After all, they haven’t lived as long or learned all the rules we, as adults, take for granted. Children are also more impulsive and haven’t developed the ability to think things through yet. It’s natural then, that as adults, we want to guide and teach our children, as well as protect them as they grow. However, sometimes our guidance falls short. Instead of enveloping them with gentleness and love as we explain things to them, we find ourselves ordering, criticizing or judging them harshly.

Children can not only endure streams of judgment and criticism from us as adults, but from other children as well. Surely, the more active, inquisitive, and independent a child is, the more that child is going to fail to meet someone’s expectations, and therefore, bear the brunt of an angry person’s disapproval. From a child’s perspective, how must it feel to be the lowest one on the pecking order, to constantly be criticized, and therefore, get “pecked” at the most?

Negativity directed toward a child can have an impact on that child’s self esteem. Children should not be allowed to do anything they want without regards to any consequences. Clearly, our guidance and support is needed in order for them to learn sensitivity toward others, to recognize and deal with their feelings, and to think before they act. However, in order to make the most positive and lasting impression on a child, our guidance needs to originate from love.

Love does not judge or criticize; it observes, explains, allows for natural consequences, and may even impose logical consequences. Love sees the long-term importance rather than the short-term convenience. Love shows patience, understanding and acceptance.

Harold S. Hulbert once said, “Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” Isn’t that true for all of us?

Our children look to us to gain a sense of who they are. The more we shower them and ourselves with love, the more they will learn to love themselves. If we are willing to catch ourselves when we are about to judge or criticize, and instead, give our children the kind of love, gentleness and respect that we, too, would like to receive, our children will flourish beyond our wildest dreams.

KAREN GEDIG BURNETT