Most of us realize that children bloom in their own time and in their own way. Then why is it sometimes so hard to restrain ourselves when we see a child struggle or stumble or even skip or dawdle toward the future? When we see them veer off a known path to success, it's hard to hold our tongue and our actions.

We want so desperately for them to succeed. Often we already have a vision of what ‘succeed’ means. When children don't follow that path, or at least stay close, we become afraid: afraid
they won’t go somewhere, be someone, achieve their potential, keep up with others, prove something; afraid we are doing things wrong - or at least not doing them right. Our own fears get in
our way of accepting them just as they are. Our own fears drive us to jump in and push, pull, and try to take control. We may even berate and criticize in our attempt to keep them on the path.

The truth is there are many paths to success. And success means something different to each person. Is it our success we are seeking, or theirs? Isn’t our job to help them decide what success
means to them and help them travel in that direction? Many marvelous things can be accomplished while traveling in unconventional directions.

That doesn’t mean they won’t at times need a nudge and maybe even a shove. We have all benefitted from timely
interventions in our life. But is this an occasional occurrence or an ongoing pattern? Is it accompanied by a strong dose of
support, encouragement and love?

Since there is such a delicate balance between guiding and pushing/pulling, here are some guidelines:

• SUPPORT: Support who they are. Remember, not only do our “roses” bloom at their own rate but they also bloom their own hue. We can’t force them to go faster or to
be something or someone they aren’t. Instead, we need to celebrate who they are. Focus on their strengths and talents. Recognize and highlight their finer qualities. Hold out
models for them to see how these qualities can benefit them as they grow.

• RESPECT: Respect their interests, their talents, their dreams. Treat them as you would want to be treated. Respect is a two way street, not a one way alley. Respect is also a
learned behavior.

• FAITH: Have faith in them. Each color and kind of rose has its own beauty. Every child, every human, has a purpose, a talent, a value. Believe in them. They may go off in
strange directions and you may not be able to envision where it will lead. Remember, too, there are many seasons in a lifetime. What may show little color in one season may
be the grand champion of another. Have faith in them.

I have two very different roses, two boys, each with his own unique bloom pattern. It’s not my role to decide who or what they will be, or judge which style or path has more value. My job is to nourish and encourage them. They will be the best they can be when I support who they are.
- Karen Gedig Burnett (a.k.a. Grandma Rose)  © 2000